Beautiful Together
by DebajoDeLaCafeina
Summary: Sometimes not knowing might be better all round. Especially when they're gone before you get the chance to say it back, and all you have are shattered dreams of what you could have had. Contains McAbby and character death. Written for Valentines Day
1. Beautiful Together

(A/N and Disclaimer: **I don't own anything connected to NCIS or any of it's characters**; but one thing I want to make clear in this fic is **that the poem is mine**. I've written poetry since the age of eleven and I wrote this one not so long ago. So that's mine, but nothing else is. There's more about that in the afterword.  
This is a pre-Valentines Day oneshot, dedications are in the afterword. But anyway...**McAbby oneshot, containing character death**. Happy Valentines Day, everyone...)

* * *

'Tim?' Abby called as she ran into the bullpen from the elevator, her bunches flying behind her and she bounced in on her platforms. Tony was sitting alone at his desk, e-mailing his latest girlfriend; though he looked up and smiled when he saw Abby.  
'Hey, Abs. What's up?'  
'I need to find McGee. My computer's messed up and I've tried everything I can think of, but it's a no-go...and he's the only one around here who'd know how to fix it' she said, looking pleadingly at Tony. 'Where is he?'  
'Sorry, Abs. Gibbs took him and Ziva out to look over a suspect's house, they left half an hour ago. I could try and help?' he said hopefully.  
Abby eyed the stack of paperwork on Tony's desk and smiled. 'It that a real offer, or a 'get me out of deskwork fast' offer?' she said, smiling. Tony grinned guiltily, and Abby laughed.  
'Appreciate your offer, but the last time you tried to fix a computer you smacked it so hard to try and make it work again that you smashed the screen - and all you had to do was turn the monitor back on' she said. 'Do you think Gibbs'll mind if I wait up here for them to get back? There's not much to do down there now my computer's french fried...'  
'Sure' Tony said. 'It's way too quiet up here, and all this paperwork's driving me nuts'  
Abby hugged him in gratitude and crossed the bullpen to sit at McGee's desk. It was neatly ordered. but she noticed there were several notebooks and sheets of paper scattered across the desk. They seemed to be poems - written in McGee's neat hand, with bits crossed out and rewritten here and there. She held up a piece of paper and frowned. 'Tony; any idea what Tim's been writing over here?'  
'Some poetry thing, I think. No idea what about. He dropped all his stuff in a hurry when Gibbs called him and Ziva to go with him' He sighed, and stabbed the paper he was writing on with his pen to get it working again. 'Sometimes I wonder how that poor little Probie made it out of high school alive'  
Abby gave a half-laugh, but she wasn't really paying attention. She had spotted a piece of paper buried beneath a pile of others, and was sure that the 'AB-' she could see was the beginning of her name. She decided that what Tim didn't know couldn't hurt him, and pulled it out. Written in the top margin was 'FOR ABBY - 14/02' and in brackets 'TELL HER'.  
14/02. February the 2nd. Three days from now - Valentines Day...  
Curiosity getting the better of her, she sat back and began to read.

* * *

_FOR ABBY - 14/02 (TELL HER)  
Beautiful Together_

_How many times have I seen that smile?  
Irrelevant to how many times  
I'd like to see it again.  
I'd do anything to make you laugh -  
Even if I have to embarrass myself,  
I'd do it time and time again  
To see you smile at me.  
When we hug,  
I wonder if my arms are giving away  
My secret -  
That I'd give up the world  
Just to hold you a minute longer,  
If you'd let me.  
Don't you realize how I feel?  
Don't you know that we could be beautiful together?  
You're out of my reach  
Even though I can touch you,  
I wonder what you'd say  
If you knew I wrote this for you?  
Maybe someday I'll tell you -  
Or maybe not -  
But I'd do anything for you.  
And I still hope that someday  
You'll let me be yours,  
Because we could be beautiful together -  
I just wish you saw it.

* * *

_

The full weight of Tim's written words hit Abby with the force of a frieght train. Blinking rapidly, she gasped inadvertently, causing Tony to look up. Seeing her face, even paler than normal, and her shocked expression, he stood up and came over to her.  
'Abs? Yo, Abby! What's up?'  
A slow, stunned smile spreading over her face, she held out McGee's poem. Tony smirked.  
'What, has Probie Wan Kenobi been writing dirty poems now, Abs?' he said. By the time he was midway through McGee's poem, his eyes were as round as saucers and he wasn't laughing anymore.  
'He wrote this for you?' he asked, when he was done.  
Abby nodded, dazed. 'I think so' she said.  
Tony clapped a hand on her shoulder. 'He can really write. Did you know how he felt?'  
'I had no idea' Abby said. 'But I do now'  
'And - how do you feel?' said Tony, his eyes twinkling as he looked at Abby. She bit her lip.  
'I...it's wierd...but...I guess...' She didn't need to continue. Her irrepressible smile spoke for her. Tony's face cracked into a grin bigger than a peeled banana.  
'Aww, my two favourite lab rats getting their act together again!' he said, giving Abby a hug. 'Are you going to talk to him when he gets back, or what?'  
Abby nodded. 'I'll have to admit that I read his poem, though...'  
Tony gestured to the sheet of paper. 'From what he's been writing? I doubt he'll care. Besides, he's insane if he expects to bring something like that in here and not have someone find it and read it'  
'I guess so' Abby said thoughtfully. She picked up the paper and reread it, letting the words sink in. Well, if he couldn't tell her himself this was as good a way around it as any! She was immersed in Tim's words when Tony's phone rang. As he answered it, Abby could heard Gibbs' voice at the other end. He sounded...strange. And when she saw the look on Tony's face, the put down the paper and looked at him, straining her ears to ear what had put the look of horror on Tony's face.

'He...what? Oh, my...that...yeah...yeah, she is...' He glanced at Abby, looking appalled. 'Okay...I'll tell - yes. Okay. I'm sorry, Boss...' he said heavily, before replacing the phone.  
'What is it?' Abby asked. Tony met her eyes, before standing up and coming to sit in front of her. He took her hands in his. The sombre expression on his face scared Abby, and she frowned at him.  
'Tony, what's wrong?'  
He sighed. 'Abby...Gibbs just called...he had some really, really bad news for us...for you...' he said grimly.  
Abby didn't trust herself to speak. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and then carried on.  
'Abby...the suspect they were looking for was in the house when the bust in to check in out. He had a SIG-Sauer...stolen from the cop he killed...he opened fire as they went in. Took them all by surprise...'  
He forced himself to look into Abby's horrified eyes to break the news.  
'McGee...McGee's dead, Abs'

There was a long moment of shocked, horrified silence - then Abby's scream of grief and horror ripped through the building as she fell, sobbing uncontrollably, into Tony's arms.

* * *

Three days later, on Valentines Day; McGee's funeral was held near his home in Silver Springs. The whole team, including Palmer, attended; along with the whole McGee family. Gibbs and Director Sheppard had both expressed their sympathies to the family, but the looks in the eyes of McGee's parents and sister gave away the fact that they still blamed the team for the death of their son and brother. Abby couldn't look at them. She felt hollow, still numb with grief that she had never felt so acutely in her life, not even after Kate's death. No matter how many people tried to comfort her, to get her to open up, no matter how they hugged and smiled and tried to console her all she wanted to do was scream at them to bring Tim back - even though she knew it was impossible. She had seen him in autopsy, against Gibbs and Ducky's better natures. The sight of him; her friend, her colleague, who could have once again been her lover; lying cold and pale on the cadaver sent waves of shock and grief crashing through her like waves on the seashore. She had fainted there and then. She had woken up to Ducky sponging her forehead and Gibbs shaking her, calling her name. But even his strong hands and soothing words couldn't make her feel better. She hadn't just lost Tim; she had lost the chance of a relationship that until maybe moments before his death, she hadn't even realized was there. It was horribly ironic. 

She waited until last to say goodbye; meaning the rest of the team and his family had already passed to weep, to say farewell and to lay flowers. She had brought a single black rose - and the copy of the poem, which she had refused to let go of since Tim died; like a toddler with a cuddle blanket. It was all she had left of him now and she wasn't going to lose that too.

She looked down at him. If he wasn't so pale and still, she could imagine him sleeping. What she wouldn't have given to by lying there beside him, sleeping eternally next to him.  
The man who had loved her.  
The man she never realized she loved.  
Until now.

Kissing his cheek lightly, she slipped the rose and the sheet of paper beneath his stiff, pale hands. As her vision became blurred with tears, she reread the last line of the poem.

_...Because we could be beautiful together  
I just wish you knew it._

Underneath in shaky writing, she had added a line of her own.

_I know that, now._

She whispered it softly, as she took one last look at Timothy McGee; before forcing herself to tear her eyes awat, turn around and finally leave him to rest in peace.

* * *

(That's the end of the actual fic. Please read the Afterword in Chapter Two, especially if you know me outside - it's just a little note about the poem and the dedications for this fic. R&R appreciated. _Adios_) 


	2. Afterword

**AFTERWORD - Beautiful Together**

I've written poetry since I was eleven (I'm now fourteen) and I wrote that poem myself. And yeah, the fanfic _and _the poem were written with someone in mind. I'm not going to write who, I'm not quite that stupid - but I will say that they're the only person I've liked in any way other than physical attraction since I screwed up my last relationship. And even if they never know it, writing this makes it feel a little less like a Hira Shuriken stabbing me in the stomach every time I see them.  
But anyway...  
This is a pre-Valentines Day fic, and it's dedicated to the person I wrote the poem to/for. Only one person knows who that is (and if you're reading this; please don't laugh at me) and it's also dedicated to her for being an amazing friend and keeping that little snippet of information quiet. It's also for all my other friends, insane and wonderful as they all are, for being their amazing selves and putting up with me.

Thanks for reading, and Happy Valenines day coupled-up or otherwise,  
Rie.


End file.
